me, myself & andrei

17 Dec 2006
One of the best posts ever! :)

I managed to get onto a blog called “SAY MY NAME, BITCH” :)

Now hold on… it’s not 100% what you think it is. You should CHECK IT OUT! You should CHECK IT OUT NOW! :p

If there’s a guy who’s unsure about his “abilities”, thinks that he’s not a good lover or that kind of shit… Or if there’s a girl who’s like “Ohh… I’m such a hottie… but bummer… you’re not C-1/1 VC- ( I’m 1337, you freaks! ) it to me. You’re such a loser… I should find someone else!” (yet, she doesn’t - never does it)…

Then read this post - it’s for you, my man, and … for you, ma 817[# ! :-D

Excerpts:

  1. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.

  2. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

  3. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

  4. Not shaving your legs. I’m pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

  5. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you’re having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like “I stubbed my toe” “I ran up the steps” or “I was putting up drywall”.

  6. Leaving condoms up to him. If you’re sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it’s just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn’t be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

  7. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn’t always easy. Help a brother out.

  8. Undressing in the dark. If you’re shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

  9. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

  10. Faking orgasms. Just. Don’t. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he’s doing everything right. And if he doesn’t know its not working, he’s not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

  11. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he’s probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like “it happens to every guy”. Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn’t, get off another way with him. He’s still capable of getting you off. Mumbling “Forget it” and rolling over are not ok.

  12. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of “was it good for you?”. Now is not a good time to ask “What this means”. Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

READ THEM ALL!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME! It really wasn’t easy making these excerpts - they are ALL hilarious! and quite true!

PS: I’m no 1337, I was only mocking it


Andrei